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Shirts must have too much room, look what people have written on them…

  • Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

  • When money talks, no one criticizes its accent.

  • I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

  • My reality check bounced.

  • I love my cat. My cat does not care.

  • If At First You Don’t Succeed…Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

  • My bank account needs month-to-month resuscitation.

  • You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

  • I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

  • Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe in chocolate.

  • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

  • Don’t worry about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.

  • A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

  • The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

  • What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it’s all about?

  • If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

  • I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

  • No one pays attention until you make a mistake.

  • Jesus loves you, but I think you’re a jerk.

  • Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

  • Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.

  • Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.

  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?

  • Smile. It’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

  • If the left side of the brain controls the right hand, then only left-handed people are in their right mind.

  • Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

  • Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

  • Ignore the dog. Watch out for the owner.

  • If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.

  • Don’t treat me any differently than you would the Queen.

  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation… I wonder if that means…?

  • Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

  • The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

  • Women have PMS. Men have ESPN.

  • Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life.

  • Coffee. Chocolate. Men. Some things are better rich.

  • If you live in a glass house, you should change clothes in basement.

  • Fart in church, and you’ll sit in own pew.

  • Germs attack people where they are weakest. This explains the number of head colds.

  • It’s not just the ups and downs that make life difficult. It’s the jerks.

  • I don’t know what I want, but I do know I don’t have it.

  • People who give back their ill-gotten gains are reformed crocks. People who keep most of the loot and only give back a little are philanthropists.

  • Once you’ve climbed the ladder of success, you’re over the hill.

  • Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

  • There will always be death and taxes. However, death doesn’t get worse every year.

  • Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

  • The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it limits.

  • Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of the dog, it’s too dark to read.

  • I can see your point, but I still think you are full of crap.

  • I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.

  • I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

  • I’ll try being nicer if you will try being smarter.

  • I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.

  • The screw up fairy has visited us again.

  • I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a care.

  • I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

  • What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

  • And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?

  • I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?

  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

  • Can I trade my job for what’s behind door #1?

  • Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

  • Chaos, panic and disorder – my work is done here.

  • Enthusiasm is contagious. Start an epidemic!

  • Education is expensive, but ignorance is more so.

Source:
http://www.successfuloffice.com/articles/call-center-blog_call-center-humor8.htm